blackfeminism:

intersectionalfeminism101:

It’s important to be able to spot when certain phrases are silencing tactics. The concept of compromise can be used to make minorities look irrational, as if their demands to be treated respectfully are complicated and difficult to agree to.

Such tactics that evoke the same type of doubt in a minority’s claims :

  • Gaslighting. Simple phrases such as “but I’ve never seen that happen,” or “that’s never happened to me” are meant to counter the oppressed’s credibility and make them seem unreliable.
  • Demanding sources for lived experiences. Sometimes it isn’t enough to the oppressors that a person testifies to living through horrible injustices. Facts are demanded to support the oppressed’s experiences, which are dismissed as “anecdotal evidence.” Which leads to the next point:
  • Framing human rights discussions as debates. No one should be able to debate whether or not someone deserves to live peacefully and happily. When oppressors try to engage in “debates” with the oppressed about their situations, the oppressor gets the upper hand, because suddenly the rules of debate apply, and emotions and anecdotal evidence are off limits. The oppressed are forced to discuss their own lives by the oppressor’s rules.

If you have experienced other silencing tactics when discussing racism, sexism, ableism, etc. please share to let others know what and who to be wary of.

i had a guy at a party tell me “you have to see things from both sides” when the other side was that women’s experiences do not exist, patriarchy isn’t real, it’s all imaginary…

(Source: owning-my-truth, via inediblemadness)

Tags: oppression

Anonymous said: Ok serious question my friends always go to strip clubs and I never have bc I'm very uncomfortable with the idea I honestly don't know what to think!! I hear libfems say its empowering and bc I'm not libfem I tend to think that's not right at all? Anyway it's my friends bday nxt weekend and she wants us all to go to a strip club and idk what to do. Help

tennismilk:

The conversation about stripping and strip clubs on tumblr is completely dominated by the same few privileged, white women who think that their feelings and experiences outweigh the experiences of literally millions of women who do not enjoy sexually servicing men everyday and working in heinous labor conditions. I’ve worked in a lot of different clubs, for years, and here is what I can tell you with certainty:

  • These “empowered” strippers may seem like the majority here on tumblr, but that is because non-privileged sex workers are underrepresented. Out of literally hundreds of women I’ve come into contact with, I have met exactly two women who got into stripping because it was something they wanted to do and thought they might enjoy. Neither depended on their earnings to make a living, and both only worked every once in a while.
  • Enjoying something and getting validation for assisting men sexually is not the same as empowerment. If strippers are so empowered by stripping, why is it so difficult to exit the industry? Why do so many strippers feel compelled to do extras? Why do men control the industry?
  • Racism is rampant. White women’s faux “empowerment” often comes at the expense of women of color.
  • Sex trafficking is literally everywhere. It took place in every club I worked at – there were always pimps, and there were frequently trafficked women from Poland, Russia and a few from the Philippines.

I could tell you stories about the things that my friends and I did because we felt we had to. About the time my manager literally locked me in his office and wouldn’t let me leave. About the woman who let a man cum in her face for $60 because she didn’t have enough money for gas. I can tell you stories about watching women get so fucked up that they pass out in the parking lot before the shift starts and the bouncers just dragged them into the maintenance shed and left them there. About women sniffing coke out of the carpets after closing when they didn’t make enough money. I can tell you about watching a young mother burning herself with her curling iron in the dressing room and crying her eyes out. I can tell you the dressing room stories, not the stories the women tell to keep customers interested.

 My experience is not universal, but it is not uncommon. I worked at chain clubs like Déjà vu and Spearmint Rhino and I worked at smaller clubs on the low and high end of the spectrum. Strip clubs are not happy, empowering places filled with articulate tumblr feminists.

Personally, I hated when groups of partying women came in more than anything. They’d gawk at us, they’d laugh at us, they’d grope us onstage and felt like they didn’t have to tip us as much because they were women, as if that somehow cancelled out the fact that they were treating us like meat to get their creepy bicurious fantasies out on. They barely bought dances, and never the more expensive packages. I never felt more hopeless and like an outsider than when women who didn’t have to strip came in to use my body purely for giggles.

Sorry for such a long response, but that is the information I thought you might want to know in making your decision. If your friend absolutely refuses to have her birthday party somewhere else, maybe you could meet up with them afterwards. Follow your gut. Thanks for taking the time to ask for my advice. Good luck, anon!

"Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed."

— Alice Walker (Living By The Word)

(via throughmotion)

professorsparklepants:

gethinblake:

so many of my friends are queer that i genuinely forget that the majority of the population isn’t on a regular basis

image

(via lgbtlaughs)

noboofs:

When your friend hasn’t come out yet

bitenrun

(Source: kristenforthewin, via heylordvoldeshort)

tastefullyoffensive:

[piecomic]

teamsciles:

laoisepotter:

Don’t you hate it when there’s a perfect opportunity for lesbians and the writers just don’t?

image

(via afearoflove)

"The rage of the oppressed is never the same as the rage of the privileged."

bell hooks (via smallbodies)

To all “egalitarians”

(via earthmoonlotus)

(Source: esteemsters, via goldstarbisexual)

nightmare-syndrome:

I forgot the name of carmilla so I said that and google found it, I’m crying

nightmare-syndrome:

I forgot the name of carmilla so I said that and google found it, I’m crying

(via kuunakullanvalkeana)

Tags: lol

Does the birth control pill make you gain weight?

plannedparenthood:

image

Someone asked us…

I used to have an eating disorder, and I heard taking the pill can make you gain weight. I want to get on birth control to regulate my periods, but I am afraid the side effects would put me back in a bad place. Is this true, and are there any types of birth control that don’t cause weight gain?

First off, it’s great that you’re thinking ahead about possible challenges and seeking out the information to make the best decision for you.

The “birth control causes weight gain” myth is definitely common, but the good news is that it’s just that — a myth. Research shows that the birth control pill (and most types of hormonal birth control) is not associated with weight gain. The one method that has been shown to cause weight gain in some users is the depo-provera shot. Users of the pill, patch, ring, implant, and hormonal IUD are no more likely to gain weight than non-users.

It’s important to remember that everyone is different. The research refers to the average birth control user, but if you are unhappy with your method or feel it may be negatively affecting your health (physical, mental, or otherwise), talk with your doctor about finding a different method.

Fortunately you have a lot of great options! Take our quiz to help you figure out which method is right for you.

-Kellie at Planned Parenthood

(via hellyeahscarleteen)

whollymacaroni:

the-goddamazon:

basicallyfrench:

letsflytoparis:

247muslima:

THIS

WHERE IS THIS FROM ?

It’s from “la source des femmes”

IT’S TRUE.

THERE IS NOTHING IN THE QU’RAN THAT SAYS WOMEN’S SOLE PURPOSE IS FOR OBEYING AND PROCREATING.

We are allowed to inherit and own property and businesses, and we are allowed to CHOOSE our husbands instead of having them foisted upon us in arranged marriages. WE ARE ALSO ALLOWED TO PARTICIPATE IN COMBAT.

I’ve read the Qu’ran COVER TO COVER and there’s nothing God says about women being LESS than men. In fact, God IMPLORES men to treat women as equals. Probably because God knew men have a tendency to foul things up and has to remind them that WOMEN ARE ALSO PRECIOUS CREATIONS OF HIS DIVINE WILL.

-huffs and puffs-

Sorry. I was in my feelings. But this touches my nerves a lot when people misinterpret Islam as some misogynistic religion. Nothing could be further from the truth.

^YES. 
There is a much larger argument for Islam’s progressive approach towards women and sexual equality than there is for the opposite. Muhammad’s first wife was a wealthy businesswoman, Khadijah, who actually asked for his hand in marriage instead of the other way around. He was actually low in Mecca’s hierarchy, being an orphan with no direct connection to his familial tribe, which was what determined status in those days. Khadijah proposed marriage after he had worked for her business for a few years because she knew how trustworthy and kind he was as a worker and appreciated it. She did him a favor by giving him status. Khadijah was also the first convert to Islam, and the one who comforted and calmed Muhammad after his first revelation, which terrified him (he thought he was going mad, not hearing the word of God).

Within the Islamic verse, there is a powerful and innate weaving of the feminine with the masculine throughout the Prophets’ teachings. Allah was never given a distinctively male presence; “In the name of Allah, the Compassionate (al-Rahman) and the Merciful (al-Rahim)” was a common beginning to Muhammad’s recitations of the revelatory verses of the Qur’an. While Allah is a masculine noun in Arabic, both the divine titles of al-Rahman and al-Rahim are not only grammatically feminine but rooted in the arabic word for the womb etymologically. 

Muhammad, by all accounts, was extremely progressive for his time. He allowed his wives to talk back and argue with him in a time when women speaking against their husbands was grounds for vicious beatings, and most of his closest confidants were women. Even the use of polygamy in Islam was originally constructed not to demean women, but to actually give them further standing; prior to Islamic thought; the arabic tribes could sell female wives and dependents into slavery, abuse them, or a host of other atrocities simply because they were female. Their womanhood marked them as a part of the estate to be used however a man saw fit. The Qur’an rebuked this behavior openly, stating that a woman had unalienable rights to her inheritance, or property. Polygamy was instated to protect vulnerable women from the mistreatment of the past. This is why only four wives are allowed; the Prophet believed a single man could not treat more than four wives equally at a given time. To put this in perspective, the Qur’an was attempting to give women in 600 CE social standing that they would not see comparatively in the west until the 19th century. 

"But what about the covering of women?!" someone no doubt shouted as they read this, "why did Muhammad place these restrictive enforced dress codes only on women if not because of the innate sexist beliefs of Islam?" Well, to my knowledge, Muhammad originally didn’t even plan for this to become a trend for all of women in Islam; rather, it was originally meant just for his wives. They were prompted by threats that Muhammad’s wives were receiving when they walked the streets of Medina. At the time, Medina was under siege, and tempers were naturally flaring up. The community had begun to become hostile towards some of the more outspoken women, and when Muhammad’s wives became caught up in this, he put forward the concept of wearing their jilbabs in a distinctive way. It was used to protect his wives from the abuse of his enemies and an aggressive encroachment on his personal space. Whereas prior to the siege crowds of people would enter into his wive’s homes, now they had to approach from behind a screen. The curtain established a boundary line or a threshold of privacy, shielding Muhammad’s wives symbolically and socially from attack. It was not until three generations after the Prophets’ death that Muslims would begin to use this decree as justification to veil all women and segregate them to a separate part of the home and the community. 

And that is a perfect example of what needs to be taken into account, especially when studying religions and culture: context. The surrounding environment and history of a people sets the stage for how things are to unfold. Furthermore, it’s important to understand how ideas are misinterpreted and twisted over time to fit different needs. What can you expect from an ideology that has been around for over 1400 years? 

[Citations: a lot of my knowledge comes from both taking a course on Islamic history up to the 20th century as well as reading multiple scholarly sources on the subject. One I would highly recommend is Karen Armstrong’s “Muhammad: A Prophet of Our Time”. Much of the information I relayed here was originally revealed to me in this very informative comprehensive book. Others include “Women in Islam: A Historical and Theological Enquiry” by Fatima Mernissi, “Women and Gender in Islam” by Leila Ahmed, and “The Social Origins of Islam: Mind, Economy, Discourse” by Muhammad A. Bamyeh.]

(Source: qawiyaaa, via inediblemadness)

holisticsexualhealth:

Gay Men’s Sexism and Women’s Bodies

At a recent presentation, I asked all of the gay male students in the room to raise their hand if in the past week they touched a woman’s body without her consent. After a moment of hesitation, all of the hands of the gay men in the room went up. I then asked the same gay men to raise their hand if in the past week they offered a woman unsolicited advice about how to “improve” her body or her fashion. Once again, after a moment of hesitation, all of the hands in the room went up.
These questions came after a brief exploration of gay men’s relationship to American fashion and women’s bodies. That dialogue included recognizing that gay men in the United States are often hailed as the experts of women’s fashion and by proxy women’s bodies. In addition to this there is a dominant logic that suggests that because gay men have no conscious desire to be sexually intimate with women, our uninvited touching and groping (physical assault) is benign.
These attitudes have led many gay men to feel curiously comfortable critiquing and touching women’s bodies at whim.  What’s unique about this is not the male sense of ownership to women’s bodies—that is somewhat common.  What’s curious is the minimization of these acts by gay men and many women because the male perpetuating the act is or is perceived to be gay.
An example: I was at a gay club in Atlanta with a good friend of mine who is a heterosexual black woman. While dancing in the club, a white gay male reached out and grabbed both her breasts aggressively. Shocked, she pushed him away immediately. When we both confronted him he told us:  “It’s no big deal, I’m gay, I don’t want her– I was just having fun.” We expressed our frustrations to him and demanded he apologize, but he simply refused. He clearly felt entitled to touch her body and could not even acknowledge the fact that he had assaulted her.
I have experienced this attitude as being very common amongst gay men. It should also be noted that in this case, she was a black woman and he a white gay male, which makes this an eyebrow-raising dynamic as it invokes the psychological history of white men’s entitlement to black women’s bodies. However it has been my experience that this dynamic of assault with gay men and women also persists within racial groups.
At another presentation, I told this same story to the audience. Almost instantly, several young women raised up their hands to be called upon. Each of them recounted a different story with a similar theme. One young woman told a story that stuck with me:
“I was feeling really cute in this outfit I put together. Then I see this gay guy I knew from class, but not very well. I had barely said hi before he began telling me what was wrong with how I looked, how I needed to lose weight, and how if I wanted to get a man I needed to do certain things… In the midst of this, he grabbed my breasts and pushed them together, to tell me how my breasts should look as opposed to how they did.  It really brought me down. I didn’t know how to respond… I was so shocked.”
Her story invoked rage amongst many other women in the audience, and an obvious silence amongst the gay men present. Their silence spoke volumes.  What also seemed to speak volumes, though not ever articulated verbally, was the sense that many of the heterosexual women had not responded (aggressively or otherwise) out of fear of being perceived as homophobic. (Or that their own homophobia, in an aggressive response, would reveal itself.) This, curiously to me, did not seem to be a concern for the lesbian and queer-identified women in the room at all.
Acts like these are apart of the everyday psychological warfare against women and girls that pits them against unrealistic beauty standards and ideals. It is also a part of the culture’s constant message to women that their bodies are not their own.
It’s very disturbing, but in a culture that doesn’t  see gay men who are perceived as “queer” as “men” or as having male privilege, our misogyny and sexist acts are instead read as “diva worship” or “celebrating women”, even when in reality they are objectification, assault and dehumanization.
The unique way our entitlement to women’s physical bodies plays itself out is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to gay cisgender men’s sexism and privilege. This privilege does not make one a bad person any more than straight privilege makes heterosexuals bad people. It does mean that gay men can sometimes be just as unthinkingly hurtful, and unthinkingly a part of a system that participates in the oppression of others, an experience most of us can relate to. Exploration of these dynamics can lead us to query institutional systems and policies that reflect this privilege, nuanced as it is by other identities and social locations.
At the end of my last workshop on gay men’s sexism, I extended a number of questions to the gay men in the audience. I think it’s relevant to extend these same questions now:
How is your sexism and misogyny showing up in your own life, and in your relationships with your female friends, trans, lesbian, queer or heterosexual? How is it showing up in your relationship to your mothers, aunts and sisters?  Is it showing up in your expectations of how they should treat you? How you talk to them? What steps can you take to address the inequitable representation of gay cisgender men in your community as leaders? How do you see that privilege showing up in your organizations and policy, and what can you do to circumvent it? How will you talk to other gay men in your community about their choices and interactions with women, and how will you work to hold them and yourself accountable?
These are just some of the questions we need to be asking ourselves so that we can help create communities where sexual or physical assault, no matter who is doing it, is deemed unacceptable. These are the kinds of questions we as gay men need to be asking ourselves so that we can continue (or for some begin) the work of addressing gender/sex inequity in our own communities, as well as in our own hearts and minds. This is a part of our healing work. This is a part of our transformation. This is a part of our accountability.

holisticsexualhealth:

Gay Men’s Sexism and Women’s Bodies

At a recent presentation, I asked all of the gay male students in the room to raise their hand if in the past week they touched a woman’s body without her consent. After a moment of hesitation, all of the hands of the gay men in the room went up. I then asked the same gay men to raise their hand if in the past week they offered a woman unsolicited advice about how to “improve” her body or her fashion. Once again, after a moment of hesitation, all of the hands in the room went up.

These questions came after a brief exploration of gay men’s relationship to American fashion and women’s bodies. That dialogue included recognizing that gay men in the United States are often hailed as the experts of women’s fashion and by proxy women’s bodies. In addition to this there is a dominant logic that suggests that because gay men have no conscious desire to be sexually intimate with women, our uninvited touching and groping (physical assault) is benign.

These attitudes have led many gay men to feel curiously comfortable critiquing and touching women’s bodies at whim.  What’s unique about this is not the male sense of ownership to women’s bodies—that is somewhat common.  What’s curious is the minimization of these acts by gay men and many women because the male perpetuating the act is or is perceived to be gay.

An example: I was at a gay club in Atlanta with a good friend of mine who is a heterosexual black woman. While dancing in the club, a white gay male reached out and grabbed both her breasts aggressively. Shocked, she pushed him away immediately. When we both confronted him he told us:  “It’s no big deal, I’m gay, I don’t want her– I was just having fun.” We expressed our frustrations to him and demanded he apologize, but he simply refused. He clearly felt entitled to touch her body and could not even acknowledge the fact that he had assaulted her.

I have experienced this attitude as being very common amongst gay men. It should also be noted that in this case, she was a black woman and he a white gay male, which makes this an eyebrow-raising dynamic as it invokes the psychological history of white men’s entitlement to black women’s bodies. However it has been my experience that this dynamic of assault with gay men and women also persists within racial groups.

At another presentation, I told this same story to the audience. Almost instantly, several young women raised up their hands to be called upon. Each of them recounted a different story with a similar theme. One young woman told a story that stuck with me:

“I was feeling really cute in this outfit I put together. Then I see this gay guy I knew from class, but not very well. I had barely said hi before he began telling me what was wrong with how I looked, how I needed to lose weight, and how if I wanted to get a man I needed to do certain things… In the midst of this, he grabbed my breasts and pushed them together, to tell me how my breasts should look as opposed to how they did.  It really brought me down. I didn’t know how to respond… I was so shocked.”

Her story invoked rage amongst many other women in the audience, and an obvious silence amongst the gay men present. Their silence spoke volumes.  What also seemed to speak volumes, though not ever articulated verbally, was the sense that many of the heterosexual women had not responded (aggressively or otherwise) out of fear of being perceived as homophobic. (Or that their own homophobia, in an aggressive response, would reveal itself.) This, curiously to me, did not seem to be a concern for the lesbian and queer-identified women in the room at all.

Acts like these are apart of the everyday psychological warfare against women and girls that pits them against unrealistic beauty standards and ideals. It is also a part of the culture’s constant message to women that their bodies are not their own.

It’s very disturbing, but in a culture that doesn’t  see gay men who are perceived as “queer” as “men” or as having male privilege, our misogyny and sexist acts are instead read as “diva worship” or “celebrating women”, even when in reality they are objectification, assault and dehumanization.

The unique way our entitlement to women’s physical bodies plays itself out is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to gay cisgender men’s sexism and privilege. This privilege does not make one a bad person any more than straight privilege makes heterosexuals bad people. It does mean that gay men can sometimes be just as unthinkingly hurtful, and unthinkingly a part of a system that participates in the oppression of others, an experience most of us can relate to. Exploration of these dynamics can lead us to query institutional systems and policies that reflect this privilege, nuanced as it is by other identities and social locations.

At the end of my last workshop on gay men’s sexism, I extended a number of questions to the gay men in the audience. I think it’s relevant to extend these same questions now:

How is your sexism and misogyny showing up in your own life, and in your relationships with your female friends, trans, lesbian, queer or heterosexual? How is it showing up in your relationship to your mothers, aunts and sisters?  Is it showing up in your expectations of how they should treat you? How you talk to them? What steps can you take to address the inequitable representation of gay cisgender men in your community as leaders? How do you see that privilege showing up in your organizations and policy, and what can you do to circumvent it? How will you talk to other gay men in your community about their choices and interactions with women, and how will you work to hold them and yourself accountable?

These are just some of the questions we need to be asking ourselves so that we can help create communities where sexual or physical assault, no matter who is doing it, is deemed unacceptable. These are the kinds of questions we as gay men need to be asking ourselves so that we can continue (or for some begin) the work of addressing gender/sex inequity in our own communities, as well as in our own hearts and minds. This is a part of our healing work. This is a part of our transformation. This is a part of our accountability.

(via fuckyeahsexeducation)

castielsteenwolf:

pr1nceshawn:

The evolution of Halloween costumes for girls…

this is really important

(via thenewwomensmovement)

Tags: halloween

Literally me. (x)

ndnlogosagogo:

This, I AM SO DONE WITH YOUR HONOR AMERICAN SPORTS! LIKE YOU’R DONE, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!?

Ah College Ball Season, please continue to add ammo to the deletion of Native American mascots, get out of here with your “HONOR”
OSU fans not only make fun of the Trail of Tears, but hey, what about Wounded Knee? #NotYourMascot

One of the Top Comments, Why do I read these again…”Not a fan of OSU but I pretty sure that they are not referring to the actual trail of tears. They are referring to FSU crying all the way back to Florida. People need to stop being so emotional and jump on every single thing they see.”

This weekend has marked a peak in my tolerance of this mockery. I have a feeling this football season will bring title waves to this debate. Again, continue to write your mascots and logos out of history American Sports!

(via therewerebirds)