E.L. James knows as much about BDSM as she would have found in a five minute Google search, which is to say that she knows precisely jack shit.
50 Shades of Grey does not depict a realistic kinky relationship, nor does it depict a healthy relationship of either the kinky or vanilla variety.
It is a Twilight fanfic, and has all the elements of Edward and Bella’s abusive relationship with kink added for extra flavor. Just as Edward and Bella are not a healthy or realistic couple, neither are Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele.
Christian Grey is an abuser who manipulates a young woman with zero knowledge of BDSM into a relationship with him. He knows she is ignorant of what a healthy BDSM relationship looks like, and uses this to:
- ignore and override her attempts at negotiation,
- play without a safeword (since she doesn’t know that they exist),
- create a false dichotomy of “either we’re kinky my way or we just don’t have sex at all,”
- threaten and stalk her,
- rape her,
- prevent her from discussing her relationship with anyone other than him,
- and control aspects of her personal life, including what car she drives, what medications she takes, and how she spends her free time.
This is not BDSM. This is not sexy. This is abuse.
Using 50 Shades as your basis for how a kinky relationship works (for critical or practical purposes) is like treating Titanic: The Legend Goes On as a historical documentary. Don’t do it.
I was hoping that we’d be over the 50 shades frenzy, but I’m sure the new movie will make it crop up again, so here’s a reminder that it does not depict a health relationship or a BDSM relationship.
Lesbian pulp novels were around in the 1950s and ’60s and were notorious for featuring suggestive covers, tragedy and tons of smut. Sold in train stations, drugstores and newsstands or mailed out like magazines and named for the low quality of the paper they were printed on, these novels depicted the possibility of queer relationships, but also suggested that if anyone pursued such a relationship…
the development discourse is defined by the west, which explains both its failure and survival, because all old white dudes care about is keeping the capitalist world-system intact
Development and International Relations (MA), Aalborg University
More like Lol My Undergraduate Career as an International Development Major
The politics of outer space cooperation is a lot like Mean Girls, and America is the meanest girl of them all.
International Relations, The University of Melbourne
'Handshakes in Space: Explaining Great Power Space Cooperation'
dont ask me for relationship advice because i will always just tell you to break up w/ them and throw their shit in a dumpster because i do not understand the concept of allowing anyone to treat you poorly this is a zero tolerance zone
I have very high standards of safety and respect for my friends, so if it looks like someone is treating them poorly, I’m usually the person that pushes them to question that behavior.
It really isn’t about people allowing problematic behavior to occur, it’s about people taking advantage of tolerance for mistreatment and conditioning others to endure it.